#and theres nothing physically wrong with me. its all emotional

[quietwingsinthesky]

the last unicorn post from earlier has me thinking about the master. that yana is still in there, you know? is still someone he was, if even for a brief flash across the life of a time lord. there’s no way to unlive that life. there are ways to twist it later, sure, to make utopia into hell on earth. but the life was lived. in much the same way that the doctor can remember, can feel, the love he held onto as john smith even as that life is ripped out of his hands. the doctor choose denial and then grief and then to shutter it all away. and so john smith died, and so professor yana died, and the doctor and the master live on. the doctor has done this before, and he lives in orbit around humanity, trying to keep the best parts of them and hold them deep enough to take root (which he can pretend he gets to choose, as a time lord. as a human, it all floods in and can’t be dug back out.) but what about the master, right?

to borrow a turn of phrase: i think there are two time lords left in the universe, and they both learned how to regret.

[marsbotz]

not going to lie i do find it quite upsetting that so many ppl think that animals that arent immediately relatable to humans are completely incapable of thought or feeling. and thats the only thing that matters when it comes to animal rights arguments a lot of the time

[santrrl]

hello! i love your writing!!! saw your requests are open. logan with a reader with physical mutations? something like mystique or morph but they can’t turn it off. how do you think logan would comfort reader? thank you!!

Thank you sm 😭🩷!! And of course <33 I kinda based it on a mix of Randall from monsters Inc and mystique where if the reader has high emotions or scared than they shift if that's alright !!<3 as always bullet points and then another short ? Fic :)

L.H X MORPHING! READER

-the first time he sees you he ignores you, as you're just new, why would he see you different?

-until the outside of you turns slightly purple from embarrassment, as you were gawking at him.

-he turns around expecting mystique or something, but deep down he knows she isn't like this.

-as the days go past and you know eachother, sometimes he leaves out things to scare you to see if your mutation is truly reactive or not.

-fucker knows its mean but he probably pays kurt to jump out at you on the first day knowing you've not seen him before.

-things like fake mice, or your favourite foods in the fridge (don't ask how he knows he just knows.) Just to see you turn a color, or physically droop in dread, like a Bassett hound.

-it kinda amuses him, you being like a cartoon character sometimes, so he's not too hard on you. Hell now you're practically jumping out of your room fighting incase logan had planned to scare you.

-he's not the only one doing pranks though, if you're walking around blue from nervousness best know he's gonna ask you. "What's wrong bub? Whose scaring ya?" Teasingly, but if he had your mutation he would've went red hearing that Scott had left a note saying 'watch out' as a joke.

-HUNTEDDD Scott down and 'talked to him'. Against a wall. And against Scott's will.

-safe to say you weren't turning invisible anytime soon from him.

-if you ever got upset at it he'd definitely run to you.

-"Bub look at me, it's not that bad. If I can see I can help."

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

-he secretly loves being able to see if you're okay or not because it gives him an excuse to be a hero to you

-if you're genuinly considering the vaccine that eventually gets out, he goes nuts. You're on the couch he's pacing like an angry father. "Like...why would you even? Theres- i- what. We're you. Thinking." He's so mad he doesn't even know what to say.

-hell pick you up and just kiss you at that point and say "no." Really angrily before leaving

It'd been a few months since you'd joined the school, familiar with everyone, but mainly Logan and colossus, as they were the ones you trusted most. Once the news started getting wind of you mutation and that you'd joined the xmen, you didn't know whether to laugh or to cry.

"Newest xmen recruit.." "xmen seems to have dissapeared.." "should we be worried?" "I saw them go up and it was like...so cool mr news man! Like it disappeared" said many news stations, and you weren't exactly accustomed to being one of the trending tumblr tags.

"Bub, pete." Came Logans voice as he entered the kitchen. "Hello, logan." "Lo' " you smiled, yellow slightly entering your arms and chest. "You see the news?" He scoffed, leaning on the counter. "Yes.." you groaned laughing

As you all chit chatted, it was only a matter of time before Charles had called you to his office, some monthly test thing or something.

Colossus whom had almost never left his steel form anymore simply stayed put, knowing he was excluded, and you and logan went trodding to his office. "Scott giving you more hassle?" He grumbled quietly. "Nope.." you sighed. "Nothing I consider harassment." You smiled at him.

The day went on, test and test, and eventually it was time to go to bed, for you at least. Waving bye, you walked through the corridors, careful not to alert any children, before reaching your room. Laying there you felt off. Was it the test? Was it charles? Lo?

You couldn't get your mind off of it, and by now you were practically lilac, so you went up to find logan. As you trodded however you heard voices down the stairs behind your room.

"What the.." you'd start, and as you walk down, you saw something that made you turn invisible at the second. Logan had Scott in a mean chokehold, and you knew he was too mad to go near. So thus? You kept invisible. Stripped off all your clothes and walked down. The clothes would've made it obvious that you were there.

"Wanna repeat what the fuck you've been telling my girl huh?" You heard the struggle. His girl? The way he said it implied he was mocking Scott but...

"Cmon!" He groaned, before Scott slipped out and nearly fell straight onto you as he walked. "Listen ill leave her alright!? I just...wanted to take my mind off you know." He frowned as he turned and stormed off.

Forgetting completely you weren't supposed to be there, you spoke up. "So what was that about?" And logan nearly jumped at you in response. "Jesus, christ why are you here?" He groaned still pissed. "I got nosy." You shrugged.

"Wait."

"What lo?"

"Are you naked?"

".....maybe"

"Fucksake."

I WROTE ON PHONE SO SORRY<÷<3<3

[noitkot1]

CW: Dissociation, Body Horror, Lucid Dreaming, Derealization, generally losing control of your body(please tell me if I missed any, thank you!)

An AU where the MTT + Cross are all trapped within a nightmare, created in part by Pass!NM in a desperate attempt to create a loving, nurturing family, then Corrupted in an effort to survive. All of them aren't in control of themselves, only able l to watch and listen as their bodies move and speak without input from themselves. Someone else is in the drivers seat and the gang is sat in the back, forced to watch as the bad, bad driver continue down the road.

They know this is wrong. Killer being overly emotional, Horror endlessly cooking, Dust talking, and Cross being a big ol' baby. Nothing about this is normal. Especially not the little kid running around.

In the real world they actually lowkey only tolerate each other. Every single one too afraid of Nightmare to try anything in particular. With Killer having been recently replaced and all, it wouldn't bode well to try and cause conflict. But tldr; they have bare minimum tolerance for each other and new Killer is still a complete, negative bubbling mess trying to get their head together. They have basic respect. That does not entail having movie nights or cuddle piles(DEFINITELY not cuddle piles. Eugh Dust barely got enough control of his wheel to escape that night).

Regardless, they can all tell this dream they're in isn't real. Waving to each other each morning with a smile isn't them. And now its up to the four to break free from Nightmare's control and escape from whatever hellish alternative nightmare this is.

Teehee Dream doing enough damage to Nightmare to cause his form to start falling down and, desperately trying to survive, pulling his four subordinates into a horrific nightmare(being a loving family). Making little Passive happy too is key to his survival. Imagine Passive and whatever magic corrupt used is pretty much all Corrupt had left. So now its a tale of making Passive happy, making him eager for the future, and by proxy Corrupt's life. Then Corrupt absorbing all the negative feelings of his subordinates tied like puppet strings. Only ever planning to release them once he's recovered enough to retain his usual physical form. That is.. if they make it to that point.

Imagine that through how much energy Corrupted is draining from his gang they physically cannot keep up with the demand. Corrupted is slowly draining their souls away, taking piece by piece of all the Negativity out. They can only watch as Passive cries and is asking why one of them is dying and want nothing more than to turn away, only able to feel the core of happiness left inside them. They're on a clock to try and escape from this paradise.

Oh and pass!NM being the eldritch horror of this dream. Hes nigh unpredictable. Whatever he says goes. Reading a book to bed, hugs, long, exhausting talks. Anything he wants WILL happen. It doesn't matter how much resistant one has developed. He randomly appears in places, as if theres teleportation. The rooms he's in are always brighter and the shadows hug him tightly.

They are definitely stuck in an world with a little, sad kid with hundreds of issues which they cannot upset at all giggle

[itgomyway]

there is nothing to do, there’s nothing but you 🍥

i keep seeing people relate non dualism back to cause and effect. you do “x” to get “y”. how am i suppose to get this. how am i suppose to be aware of that. how am i suppose to be. and im afraid you got non dualism all wrong. because its just you.

everything is consciousness. you are consciousness. that is it. thats all. theres no physical world theres no imagination theres no 3d theres no 4d theres no infinite realities, there is no getting, there is no pleasure, there is no pain. it is just you.

that not making any sense? that’s okay. its not going to. you already know this. as consciousness being and everything you are knowledge itself. any concept of source or learning comes directly from you. your “self” already knows this. its your ego, the false sense of “self” getting in the way. its just you.

so then how do things exist? like time, what you see, money, other people, food, desires? they dont. theyre not real. none of that is real. why? because only consciousness is real. they appear to exist “physically” because you are aware of them presenting that way. its just you.

meaning doesn’t come first. you come first. you are the only thing that exist. and as existence you give existing things its meaning after they come to your awareness.

whatever you are aware of is what the human body experiences because you are a being of consciousness experiencing the human condition. you are not human though, you are consciousness. consciousness is the only thing that exist therefore its the only real thing. its just you.

this is why there is no separation. you as the conscious observer experiencing the human condition are conditioned into believing whatever the body experiences (your 5 senses) is real. its not. you are more than the body. you have control over what you experience due to your awareness. its just you

understanding that you are not actually human you are a being of consciousness playing the game known as life, you can transcend needing to feel validated by what you experience physically. the “3d” doesnt validate at all. its what i am most used to but as consciousness i know what i am. its just u

now let me be clear. the 3d doesnt exist validate me because i am a being of consciousness. however my ego, the false sense of self where my thoughts doubts and fears reside does get validation from “physical experiences” it doesn’t understand its not just experiencing it physically. the ego, like ur inner child, cannot comprehend that its not actually human, in control, or real. as soon as it tries, the human condition jumps in and brings up the thoughts doubts and fears. thats okay because thats its job. your job as the observer is to not react because you know its just you

the ego may be scared of rejection and thats fine. the ego isnt in control so let it throw its temper tantrum. let it cry, scream and shout. you would also let it be happy and carefree right? why is one emotion worse than the other if neither are real in the first place? its just you

with all of this, the main point is that it is you. thats all there is. nothing to understand because you already know you exist. nothing to get because you’re everything. nothing to “try” to be because you already are. its just you.

“how do i get-“

“how do i experience-”

“how do i become-“

“how do i be?“

its just you. you are. you got it you experienced it you became it so now be it. congratulations! its done!

© itgomyway

[cinefairy]

move with love, not hate.

you cannot hate the person you are now to become the person you want to be.

often times we are our worst critics, we criticise everything about ourselves from the way we talk, walk and move around in the world.

we do this because we think we are not up to par with our peers and the people around us or what social media thinks society should behave like. i know personally for me i would set out a certain high standard for myself and whenever i failed to reach that standard i would just be absolutely cruel to myself.

this brought me nothing i wasn’t doing well mentally and i wasn’t doing well physically because i had battered myself with cruel words. hating myself was one of the worst things i ever done to myself. i ended up treating myself like someone who didn’t deserve love, respect and warmth when in fact i did deserve all those things (and still do).

and its not like i didn’t try to be happy & love myself, i tried many times. i looked deeply at myself in the mirrors trying to force myself. but thats the thing, i was forcing myself. would someone who truly loves themselves force it? no, self-love flows through effortlessly, without trying its a beautiful thing that doesn’t need to be forced but expressed naturally.

it was like a battle in my mind, i was fighting with myself. i never accepted, i never let go i was holding tightly to my own self-hatred and even more so i was hating myself for not getting better. for not thriving like others, i think i was so upset and hurt that i just wanted to continue fighting with myself. it was the only response i knew in stressful situations, it was like a reflex response.

it wasn’t until i made the decision to continue, despite it all where things started to look up for me. no i didn’t go on a rampage of self-love affirmations but instead i accepted myself as i am.

i accepted the things i was pushing down and hiding away from. i accepted that im not like other people and that everyone including me is on different journeys in their lives. theres no point in me comparing.

i accepted my messy and “unpolished” self. i accepted that i have crazy emotions that can override my rational self. i cant be horrible to myself over stuff like that i can only grow and be kinder.

“yes maya, right now you are messy, right now you are going up & down and living with a ton of emotions. that is what a normal human being is like.” — A snippet from my diary in February, 2020.

YES YOU ARE A HUMAN, YES YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES. AND YOU ARE BOUND TO MAKE MORE MISTAKES. YES YOU HAVE FAILED. MANY, MANY TIMES. BUT THAT STILL ISNT A VALID REASON TO GIVE UP ON LIFE.

with this new acceptance i was finally able to let go with the old self. it didnt bring me down, i wasn’t holding onto it. it felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, it felt like i can finally be free. that im no longer in the shackles of my past, i released it and with that release came a new person evolving.

once i made this decision, i treaded lightly with myself. when things went wrong i wouldn’t immediately jump to dispute hate onto myself. when i implanted love in my routine i saw myself changing therefore the world around me was changing.

this new-founded acceptance allowed me to bring in pockets of love, i loved how i still had a long journey ahead of me. i loved how i still have so much time to grow. i loved how i can still have setbacks in my life but get up every morning and try again. i loved how the option of starting again and finding myself was always available.

hate brings nothing good, love brings all. love brings new meanings, new memories, new soul adventures, new ways to find things that you really love. new people. its a beautiful thing that we can all experience deeply.

[ashoss]

i wanna jump in on the bat x pjo au! (absolutely obsessed with it btw… the jason and cass being kids of nemesis……… galaxy brain)

(and forgive me if youve already said in a prev maybe)

but do any of the kids have additional demigod powers? like beyond the good at battle, understands greek, stronger than the average bear etc but like how percy can create hurricanes :)

i might have gone over some of their powers in separate posts but ive never really gone into depth on any of them :)

i don’t really want to give them super strong powers (like nothing on the level as the Seven lol). i think them having small sway over things would be best. (btw im going through each cabin's abilities on the pjo wiki :D)

dick as a child of hermes has a bit of increased speed, im not sure how much though lol. definitely stealthier and can sense traps and different locks and stuff. hes probably also pretty persuasive.

babs- since she isn't a demigod but instead a blessed mortal is a bit different from all of them. @pooky-chan sent me a great ask about apollo and babs and her blessing which i thought was very yummy! so babs just finds it easier to find information and find connections between things a bit easier. as they put it apollo "greases the wheels".

jason and cass's powers would be similar to eachother, since theyre both nemesis kids. they both have tychokinesis (what ethan nakamura has on his wiki - so directly controlling "the likelihood of things good and bad things happening to individuals to even out supposed good luck and bad luck") they can sense when people want revenge/vengeance on something.

(theres actually not a lot to go based on for powers for the children of nemesis so im not all sure on it)

its mostly their legacy powers that stick out- cass as a hades legacy can sense death and can actually feel or see a soul leaving a body. she could probably talk to the dead but it causes a physical strain on her. while not as potent as nico's, she could faintly see someones life aura. she can also blend into the shadows easier. (she cant shadow travel or have actual control over the dead.) shes basically Nico Lite (tm) (i also like to think she unconsciously makes the temperature colder when shes around :))

and jason as an asclepius legacy would be able to tell at a glance if there is something medically wrong with someone and has pretty good medical knowledge. (basically jason is a godsend in the medbay). he does have healing powers, but he probably doesnt figure them out until after he's revived. i think it would be interesting if he could only heal other people and not himself :)))) (he also unconsciously heals people) ((also also to foil cass he probably makes the temperature a bit warmer. like how being healed feels warm :DD)

(tim im a little unsure on atm. hes def a child of aphrodite but i do also want to incorperate athena in there too. i dont know if i want him to be like,, 25% aphrodite or 25% athena - basically his parents were demigods- but im still debating a bit between that and child of Venus, as the roman equivalent of aphrodite has more warlike associations - i.e battle strategy... soooo) he has better emotional insight and can sense peoples emotions. he has a light form of charmspeak thats mostly more about sounding Intelligent more than actually influencing people (like an authority bias. people are more likely to listen to him because he sounds intelligent and he knows what he's talking about- ex: if tim were to suggest someone clean something up, they probably would because well, why else would he be suggesting it? he knows what needs to be done.) hes also pretty crafty and has some more strategic intelligence in addition to his bat training lol.

stephanie i think im set on being a child of Cardea (minor roman goddess of hinges). if thats the case, pooky-chan sent another ask where they went over how broad hinges really were. so steph could manipulate hinges and since so many different things contain hinges it could really be a pretty powerful ability.

however i do like child of veritas (roman goddess of truth). in this case she would basically be a human lie detector, and also people would probably feel the need to NOT lie to her.

damian i legit have no clue. hes the one i have the least ideas on lmao. because for him i would also have to go into the LoA and bruce's parents, and both i dont really have anything im set on yet :p. definitely something with magic from the al ghul side tho!

[hypnostouched]

Tell me about his insecurities and what is his idea of love

Insecurities? all of them From a physical standpoint i think Riko is insecure about his height - especially with TSC repeating again and again how important height is to an exy player. Riko is somewhere between 5'3 to 5'5 - standing on the same line as Kevin who is at least 6'. I've always liked to think that Tetsuji and ichirou are a fair bit taller than him too, that his mother was short and he takes after her. But he doesn't know that, because all he knows is that he is at a disadvantage due to his height and has to work through it. I think he would rely more on speed - which is why i draw him slimmer, too much bulk slows him down. shorter, quicker, able to move through gaps others cant. he'd hate neil for being the same height but faster and everything he's been aiming to be. I think thats part of why he forces him back into defence. He's also incredibly insecure about his dynamic with Kevin. He knows deep down that Kevin is better than him at Exy. (and better than him at academics, and dealing with people, and controlling his emotions, and many little things that dont matter as much as the exy) He knows the tattoos are wrong, and he knows Kevin is holding himself back. Riko is nothing if he's not the best, if he's not perfect, and all of this spills out as violence. Lashing out at Kevin for being better, lashing out at others to remind himself he's better than them. Riko isn't perfect. Nobody is. He can't stand it. Ofc his insecurities are exy based because theres nothing else in his life.

Love is. Belonging. Acceptance. Its something to attain, something to deserve, something to earn. His father looking at him even once would be love. Its proof that he's worth anything. Love is the praise he got when he was younger. love is the title of king that was given to him by the team he wasnt even part of yet. Sometimes tetsuji's corrections are love. sometimes they arent. He knows Tetsuji doesn't love him but the actions can be loving. The pain can be from love. Sometimes when Riko corrects Kevin its love. sometimes its not. It used to be, a lot of it now is just anger. Riko loves Kevin with gifts. he takes history because kevin asked. he lets him get away with distractions - his studies, the decorations, the books. He tried to give him Andrew. He gave him his number. Kevin loves Riko in ways that Riko can't understand. Kevin tries to protect Riko from pain that Riko has long since accepted and understood as necessary. love isnt real

[allinestarr]

Competitive Part 5

Sorry for the wait, hope you enjoy! - Alline 

Alec Lightwood x Fem Reader

Slowly you blink yourself awake. Looking around you realize you’re in Magnus’s home. The next thing you notice is you can’t move cause you’re tied down to a chair. After a few minutes of trying to shimmy your way out of the ropes you gave up. You’re next thought was attempting to knock yourself down and break the chair but as soon as you tried Magnus and the rest of the team walked in.

“ I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Not only is that my favorite antique Dutch chair, the ropes are magically bound so you couldn’t get them off if you tried.” Magnus smirked.

“ Y/N please don’t be mad at us. This is for your own good. Ever since you got back from that warehouse you've been acting strange. It’s like… you’ve changed. We think you might be under its influence so we asked Magnus and he agreed to help. Since we can't talk to you we had to take matters into our own hand. The only way to find out is to go inside your mind. And... its going to hurt. Im sorry but its for the best.” Jace sighed. 

The elixir kept most of your emotions at bay but the one you couldn’t control was the rage. You thrashed around like a bull in pure rage while Izzy and Clary looked away. Magnus came behind you and put his hands on the sides of your head. A blue light emitted from his hands while he said something in latin. It was excruciating and you screamed in agony. Blood started to drip from your nose and ears as you started to feel weak and light headed. Memories of your childhood flashed before you. Your Parabati ceremony. The moment you realized you were in love with Alec…Then you saw the warehouse. The demon mocking you while you fought with every ounce of strength you had till you killed him. And the pain, the unbearable pain. It felt like poison was coursing through your veins and your skin felt like lava. Then came the nightmares and sleepless nights. And then…nothing. Like everything after that was blocked. He took his hands away with a sigh. There was only one thing he knew did that. An elixir that numbs a persons emotions, takes away there dreams until they are noting but a walking, talking empty shell. Magnus undid the spell on the ropes and Jace and Alec carried you to the couch. Jace activated your healing rune while you were passed out. 

“ Well I know what's wrong with her.” Magnus said.

“ What is it?” Izzy anxiously asked.

“ She's not under any spell or influence from the demon. She suffered a lot after defeating the demon. The pain she felt… I could still feel it. Pure agony. While she was able to heal physically, she was still suffering with nightmares so terrible she eventually stopped sleeping. After that its all dark, no memories. Theres only one thing that can do that. An elixir that numbs you to any emotion. You basically become an empty shell. It can be permanent if taken for a long time. Some people have even gone mad from it. I can prepare her an elixir to help with the withdraw once she stops, but its her choice.”

Izzy sat down in shock. Jace hugged Clary while she cried and Alec looked down in disbelief. Suddenly you were up holding your bow with an arrow loaded towards Magnus. 

“ First, I will never forgive any of you for this. Especially you Izzy. My parabatai. We took an oath to eachother!You broke that when you let him do this to me. Second, you’re going to lower the wards and let me go cause you and I know I'm the quickest shot here and Ill have an arrow through your chest before you can wave your hand. Now do it.” you snarled. 

Magnus looked at you in shock but knew you were telling the truth. He sighed as he lowered the wards. You walked backwards with hands still around your bow and when you felt the door you opened it quickly. 

“ This is my final warning. All of you, stay away from me. If you ever try anything like this again, I will kill you. All of you.” 

You quickly ran down the hall and jumped out the window landing on your feet and ran as fast as you could to the only person who could help you now. Sookie. She was already waiting outside for you when you arrived at her house. 

“ Sookie thanks for meeting me. I need a favor, I promise its the last ill ask.” 

She looked at you questionably while she sat next to you on her couch. 

“ They know about the elixirs. They tricked me and kidnapped me and had Magnus look inside my head. They betrayed me and violated the only privacy I had in my mind. I want to leave but I know they will find me especially with my parabatai bond. I want you to cloak me. I need to focus on the only important thing at this moment which is to find and kill Valentine. Will you do it?” you pleaded. 

“ I don't know y/n. You know I care a lot about you but it could get really dangerous by yourself. Without the help of the clave and your friends, you could get yourself killed.” she cried. 

“ I can take care of myself and at the first sign of danger I will come back, I promise. You can do a tracking spell on me to know where I am so you know im ok and ill check in with you. But please, don't tell them where I am at any point.” 

She looked at you defeated knowing there was no way of talking you out of it but respected your wishes as she prepared the spells. After she finished you thanked her and made your way outside. The institute was the last place you could go and as much as you cared about Raphael and Simon you couldn't trust they would tell Izzy where you were. Your safe house was not an option cause Izzy knew where it was. New York was no longer safe so you decided you’d give Spain a try. Luckily for you the cloak Sookie put over you not only enables them from finding you, it disguises you to look like someone else. So even if they notify the other institutes you’re missing, you couldn't be identified.

P.O.V everyone back at Magnus’s

“Well that didn't go as planed.” 

Everyone looked at Magnus annoyed.

“ State the obvious why don’t you.” Jace rolled his eyes.

“ We need to find her. Valentines out there and everyone’s on guard. Without us she could be in trouble!.” Izzy screamed in frustration.

“Find her and do what!. She can’t be controlled. She’s a loose cannon!. We need to tell the clave. They will know what to do. “ Alec sighed.

“ Are you serious?!. She’s our family!. How could you say that?!. We have to help her even if it means locking her up and forcing her to take the elixir. If I have to spend the rest of my life earning back her forgiveness, so be it. At least we will have her back. Let’s use my parabatai bond to track her.”

Everyone reluctantly agreed but when Izzy tried tracking you, she felt nothing. If it weren’t for the rune still on her skin, she would have thought you were dead.

“ I can’t feel anything. It’s like she doesn’t exist!. Izzy cried.

“ Thats impossible. Hold my hand and I���ll help you find her” Jace said.

Again, nothing.

Magnus portaled them back to the institute. Izzy ran straight to your room but you weren’t there. They searched every inch of the institute and found no trace of you. Clary called Simon but he had no clue where you were. Meanwhile Izzy called Raphael but he said the same thing. Luke couldn’t track your scent anywhere but he promised to have the pack keep an eye out for you. The only other place Izzy could think of was your safe house but when she got there, it was untouched. The only thing they could do was hope you would eventually show up, alive or dead.

6 months later

Madrid had been pretty safe other then the occasional vampire that mistook you for a mundane when you’d take a stroll or meet with some informants at a local down world club. Nothing you couldn’t handle though. Currently you were reading over some intel you acquired about Valentine but it was just a lot of dead ends. The only definite was that he was in NY. In his campaign to destroy the down worlders, he has been recruiting strong humans to turn into shadow hunters. Things were getting serious and you knew you had to go back. You’d still lay low and away from the institute, but still close enough to fight. After a long phone call, Sookie offered to let you stay at her place. It was all settled now.

The flight back felt short and you wished it was longer. Sookie waited at her apartment so it wouldn’t raise any suspicion. As soon as you got there, you started to debrief all you discovered while away and she told you things have been very tense in New York since you left. Valentine had been causing havoc and the institute was barely catching up with him.

“Everyone’s really worried. Even Magnus. Valentine sent hunters to attack warlocks and killed 2. All to send a message. He wants the mortal cup and he knows Clary has it. He still has her mom and he’s growing impatient.”, She sighed.

“ Let’s hope she doesn’t say where. If he gets his hands on it, he could destroy the Down world. I think I’m going to talk to Raphael. He might know more. I’ll keep myself cloaked. I still don’t want Izzy and the team to know.”

As sunset approached you made your way to Brooklyn to see Raphael and decided to wait on the roof till someone eventually came out.

“And who are you?” He asked.

“An old friend.” You smirked.

“I think I would recognize you. I can smell your a shadow hunter but… I’ve never seen you before.”

“You’d think with all the times we’ve had conversations up here, you’d recognize me.”

He pondered for a minute and it clicked in his head. Slowly he grabbed your hand holding you in place as if you’d vanish if he let go and said,

“Y/n”

“ Yes.” You smiled.

“But how and why don’t you look yourself?.” He asked.

“It’s a spell my friend put on me. I had to leave to figure things out. I couldn’t focus on finding Valentine when Izzy was trying to fix me like as if I was broken. They betrayed my trust and I couldn’t stay here. I wish I could have said goodbye or called you but the stakes were to high. I went to Spain and layed low for a while. I tried tracking him down but every time I got close he’d disappear. I got intel he was in NY and came back.”

“You worried us all. We thought you were captured by Valentine or worse, dead. There’s so much to catch up on, follow me I’ll explain everything.”

While you settled down on the couch, he poured you a glass of whiskey and a glass of blood for himself. But before he could start talking, he heard commotion outside the door and opened it to reveal Izzy, Alec, Jace and Clary. Your heart dropped to your stomach and you quickly composed yourself remembering they can’t see you, at least not the real you.

“What do you guys want?. I’m busy.” Raphael sighed.

You exchanged glances with each one but Izzy held your gaze a little longer as if she saw some recognition in you before looking over to Raphael.

“ We think we have a lead on Y/N. A few hours ago I felt a strange feeling and I think it has something to do with her. We think she’s back. We have people looking everywhere and we want to know if you and your coven can help.”

He agreed and sent out some of his coven to look for you. Izzy and the team thanked him but before they left Izzy stoped and looked at you.

“I feel like I know you from somewhere. Have we met?” She asked.

You shook your head and said, “ No, perhaps I’m just another familiar face. I’m Rebecca.”

She smiled and walked up to you holding out her hand for you to shake. Reluctantly you shook it. A little spark ran through your fingers and you quickly let go of her hand. She looked at you puzzled but let it go. The spell Sookie placed still held up but you knew you had to leave because you could feel it wear off. Perhaps the proximity of you two counteracted the spell because of your bond. You looked back at Raphael and said,

“It was nice seeing you. I hope to talk to you soon.” You smiled.

He smiled back and you walked past everyone to leave. Alec’s eyes lingered on you for a couples seconds as you walked away. Once outside you began speed walking and after verifying you were alone, you activated you stamina rune to run as fast as you could back to Sookie’s. When you were just reaching her apartment you were tackled into an alleyway. Getting up quickly you were face to face with Izzy.

“I won’t ask again. Who are you!?.” She snarled.

Before you could say anything, your skin started to glow and you felt light headed. And before you fainted someone grabbed you and you saw a familiar set of eyes looking into you own. It was Alec.

“ Y/N?”, he whispered…

Taglist: @babygirl2022​ @zealouspursecowboydeputy​ @melaniepeep​ @destielshipper88​ @abbiesxox​ @mrs-billyrussooo​

Competitive Masterlist

[astroceans]

11.02.22

i dont know how to stop it. the thoughts the memories. i thought that maybe when you decided it would all stop. contrary, they wont stop. im stuck thinking about the last 6 months and the times i could of been better and done better. the times where i should of stayed quiet where i should have loved you more. theres no benefit in thinking it though. i know you've made up your mind. and when i called you out i didn't think you would leave. i thought you'd stay like you had before. i thought you would fight more or maybe even just try. but this time you didn't. you left, you moved on. and now i think where i went wrong and if i could just been different. that if maybe i wasn't so messed up you would of stayed. maybe if i was less sad less me you wouldn't leave. but its ok. i know she is kind and she is beautiful. she is loved and taken care of. she can love you. and i know you deserve who takes away all the lies and brings you hope, poetry, and most importantly coffee. if i could talk to her, i would tell her this. his birhtday is january 10. hes actually not a typical capricorn but that might be because his mother is a cancer. hes emotional. he is kind. he is thoughtful. his love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. hes a great gift giver. he has the biggest heart. hes easily influenced. gym is his therapy. he loves his family especially his sister and his mom. hes actually a feminist. hes a clean person. his alcohol tolerance is suprsisngly high. he likes to party and have fun. but more importantly i think he likes to stay in and do nothing. his favorite color is blue but he looks great in orange. his favorite artist is j balvin. and his music taste is impeccable. hes cannot park if his life depended on it but hes a great driver. he has a sweet tooth and probably the reason he has so many cavities. his favorite sweet is donuts, coming in second gummies. his grandpa is his biggest inspiration. and like many people, he's been hurt too many times especially by me. he has the worst anxiety and overthinks too much. his best friend committed suicide and his cousin was close to. he needs reassurance and lots of love. overall, i think he's the only person who has fought for me and for our relationship something i couldn't understand and maybe why i can't let it go. 

i know you deserve more than i could ever give you. you deserve an easy love with someone who doesn't have so many layers to cut through. someone with less complications and more love to give. in fact someone who isn't afraid to be loved. i know my thoughts wont leave because i live with regret, i live with sadness. i know i'll have to live without you and live with the thought that i failed you. and more importantly that given the choice, you wouldn't choose me anymore. that i am no longer the girl you want to be with and the one you want to spend the rest of your life with . i am not the first thought in your mind and i am not the last one either. you have simply moved and found arms to come home to. and i am stuck being the sad story. the girl who cannot love and be loved. and maybe thats what kills me the most. you get to move on and i cannot even find myself talking to another person without crying. i cannot listen to music without breaking down. i cant eat without feeling guilty. that i've lost myself throughtout everything and it took you a week to move on. i'd like to ask you how you did it but i fear that when i hear your voice i would lose my breathe. i have no hope for life. and i find no pleasure in it. i live day by day hoping one day i feel less sad but its been a month and a half and i still can't listen to our song. i know its not your fault but how cannot it not be? when i told you this you didnt seem to care and you chose to move on. im so tired of crying and the sleepless nights. the calling out of work. the torturing myself at the gym. the breaking down every time i go out with my friends. you're the punchline to all my jokes and the topic of conversation when it comes to gossip. you're the theme of all my spotify playlists and the inspiration behind my new hair color. youre my excuse when my parents ask me why i can't be more active in church and the reason i dont text back any guy. the reason i've started smoking again. i dont want to love you anymore. but im sorry i love you.

[liverpool-enjoyer]

footballers when theyre jealous

requested by anon!!! thank you bro <3

leo: he understands that neys just an affectionate guy, so he shouldnt get too worked up of he sees ney getting close to someone at an event. but if it does persist he WILL give ney the cold shoulder n be like "no im not mad, im fine :))" when hes decidedly Not Fine.

ney: oh this poor lad. he knows full well that leos national team would drop dead for him at a moments notice (i mean its not like they try to hide it). theres so many people who would risk it all for leo that he cant even bother to get upset over it. it ez what it ez.

gavi: lil guys possessive of everything. his friends, his favorite coffee mug, the seat on the bus he likes the most,,, will get pissy if someone looks at his pop tarts the wrong way. take a chill pill man it aint that deep.

sergio: dude gets. SO FUCKING MAD. but his anger isnt directed at luka, rather its directed at whoever he perceives as a threat. poor luka has to physically restrain sergio from swinging at someone who looked at him a lil too long.

alisson: when that jealous feeling creeps up on him, rather than being all possessive he takes the depressing route cause he thinks he isnt good enough. someone get this man a hug.

thomas: jealousys a green eyed monster n SO IS THIS BITCH. its kinda dumb cause like,,, lewy is so stupidly obviously whipped for him. he aint going anywhere pal.

luka: him??? jealous?? please not only is he pretty self-assured but he knows damn well sergio aint so much as LOOKING at anyone else.

luis: cmon he had to have been a little jealous when leo n ney started playing for the same team again without him. ok this actually made me sad im not typing any more for this one.

lewy: actually has a healthy of way dealing with his emotions, yknow, like a fucking normie. takes a deep breath and reminds himself that he has nothing to be jealous about and that he should trust thomas. loser.

mourinho: still gets fuckin PISSED whenever someone mentions jurgen n peps "RiVaLrY." though no one knows why he still hates it seeing as he doesnt even manage united anymore.

[yermes]

PAC: 🧸

I was abt to trauma dump all this unnecessary childhood information but it turns out I was just really sad and hungry. BUT because I love all my squishmellow sons, my dino nuggies and ketchup daughters, random obscure void creatures and everyone else I decided to abstain from that. HOWEVER! I am no stranger to toxic relationships and friendships and with how the occult/practitioner community is heres a reading on potential toxicity around you atm.

Pick a meme

Pick a card

Wheel of fortune 🎱

Lord of the Forces of Life, Caph, Palm, Ezekiel, Jupiter

Toxicity in fate and destiny. To me this is like being the only one in the group project that does anything. Feeling trapped in circumstances such as a sucky job or class. Theres always that “why don’t you quit” question when the answer Is “I can’t” either you NEED this for a degree or you have to put food on the table the strings of fate have woven kind of a tricky situation for you. THANKFULLY this card is upright which may indicate a turn of the tides in your favor.

Completion 🎡

Venus 3. In Aries, Chesed through Fire, four of wands

If this seems like the wrong card for the reading you are INCORRECT BABE. This card points to some form of toxicity in the physical which is needed for growth in the spiritual. As of NOW you seem to be going through it but god gives his silliest battles to his funniest clowns and you will learn a lesson which will broaden your spiritual horizon. This is showing that the toxicity going on as of now in the physical is needed to bring completion in the non-physical.

Five of wands (reversed) 🪄

Lord of Strife, Geburah, Saturn in Leo 1°–10°, Angels Vahaviah and Yelayel

Its seems like theres a lot of complex emotions with whatever the fuck is going on over there. Lust, desire, and trickery. Your friend group could be the Real Housewives of Weird ass occult discords. The Saturn with leo is straight up just a bad vibe. It seems to me that almost theres a severe power imbalance that someone is either abusing their power over you, or someone is jealous of your power and status within your group and is praying on your downfall. Wth.

Prince of wands 🎟️

21° Cancer to 20° Leo, Vau, Air aspect of fire Aziluth, Tiphareth

Learning without understanding does absolutely nothing. You may be making a toxic situation for yourself which in turn attracts toxic people. Misery does love company after all. You may be becoming destructive and the people around you are just fanning the flames. Its great you have all this energy for magic and this vest for life but you may want to start putting that into more productive ways so you can actually use instead of abusing what you can do. Not saying im anti-hex I love a good hex phase but not and the expense of who you are as a person. We are as above so below people I do agree you can recognize and celebrate primal fury without succumbing to it.

[compassionatereminders]

hi, i hope its okay if i vent here cause i know shits been rough for you lately (wishing you the best btw, which ik simply saying that doesnt magically make things better but hope yk what i mean)

i sent an asks a few months ago about having empathy for someone for the first time and really struggling to come to terms with it, how to deal with new overwhelming emotions and the like (i believe i also mentioned them being in an abusive situation at the time, which was a whole other complicated feeling to empathize with someones pain and to take it internally on levels i had never experienced or was capable of fathoming before in my entire life)

currently struggling with that person again, they left their original abusive situation but have entered a new complex one, as this person isnt intentionally shitty but they're rich, white passing and extremely privileged and out of touch, like truly they don't grasp my friends trauma and why it makes things hard for them (friend has gone through severe abuse and childhood trauma, neglect and homelessness just to say the light ones, its truly awful what they've been through) despite having some trauma of their own and i truly fucking despise them with my entire being

my friend is abusing alcohol and debating killing themselves due to this person dangling ending their relationship over my friends head --- (which is another thing thats complex and hurting, my friend never told me they were dating which like they totally dont have to obviously!! but they continuously insisted to me they were only friends, before suddenly revealing through a screenshot of their partners text that they were together, which they did with their previous abuser so like having it happen twice was icky feeling for some reason despite the fact ik they don't owe me that information at all, i dont care they hid it i just feel hurt and confused if i had done something to warrant not being trusted with that information but thats a whole other can of worms) --- due to them struggling to do something the person wants, because my friend has trauma what the person is requesting is hard and my friends explained why its hard and hurts them, they've thrown up daily from the stress and this person knows that but somehow doesnt grasp why its causing my friend such distress

i feel utterly suffocated by the entire situation and its put my life on full stop because i cant just leave my friend to deal with this themselves, but theres nothing i can say or do that can help them because they're deeply in love and won't break up with their partner even though the stress is physically ruining them. i feel hopeless and unable to do anything, i encourage them to talk to me because really i wanna be there for them but i feel so scared all the time that somethings gonna happen to them which makes me need to listen even more because their other friend is horribly abusive and contributed to their trauma, so i don't wanna leave my friend alone. i don't know how to deal with empathizing with their pain and not being able to stop it feels like its killing me cause now im also throwing up multiple times a day, genuinely debating drug relapse to cope with it all and i can't sleep properly anymore and only sleep on specific 4 hour intervals throughout the day next to my phone so i can be on constant standby for the friend and i know its not healthy and if they knew it was like this they'd never tell me whats wrong again (which i really dont want i truly honest to god wanna be there for them), i feel like no matter how i go about it theres no winning in this situation and honestly i wanna die from it all which sounds so silly cause my friend is going through SO much worse and here i am going waaah this hurts me!! i just eugh, i don't know what to do. which i guess i know what to do, but i don't wanna do any of it i've never cared about someone like i care about them and the thought of leaving them to sort it out themselves feels like the end of the world, even though i know they're also a sociopath and don't feel empathy towards me which is also a new shitty feeling cause now i know how people feel around me. this is exhausting i don't know how people with empathy deal with it especially you kat!! if i remember correctly you mentioned being very empathetic, it's amazing you're able to handle having empathy and running a blog where people often dump stuff in your inbox (which uh is the very same thing im doing now, sorry!) ok i got it all out of my system i'm gonna go take a nap and hope the problem is solved tomorrow (it wont be but a bitch can hope!!) thank you for being a space where i could word vomit my brain out, i really hope things get better for you and that your eye gets sorted out <3

No matter how unwell your friend is, you're allowed to have boundaries and limits. And while I get the desire to be there and do everything you can because you care about your friend, you will not be able to continue pouring from an empty vessel. This is not a sustainable situation. You neglecting yourself and not sleeping and getting physically ill and wanting to die is not an acceptable consequence of your friend being in a toxic relationship without being able to change their situation. I know you didn't ask for advice, but I strongly encourage you to establish some boundaries here and stand by them. You do not lose your right to have boundaries when a loved one is mentally unwell and if you do not prioritize your own mental well-being, you will not be able to continue being there for you friend

[dballzposting]

I think I'm too tired to properly spin this yarn but

Well Chichi is a heterosexual woman.

She is a woman who wants very much to live traditionally and love loyally. Her satisfaction from life stems from having a stable lifelong partner and from being the matriarch of her own family.

She is also, perhaps predictably, a very romantic person. Shes predisposed to it, jumping on it when it enters her worldview, and as a kid, she becomes committed to Son Goku.

She was very upset when he didnt play the romance game with her, and continues to be upset when he isnt the present family man that she needs him to be.

So. Becasue of all of this, you would not consider her a candidate for a romantic triste (that may be the wrong word but I mean, like, an affair). And yeah, true! She just wants to be loyal, and for her mate to be worthwhile, god damnit! It's the taurus in her!

But listen. She is a very traditional and high-strung woman. And theres this phenomenon where people who follow very strict rules may break strange ones, becasue everyone breaks them every once in a while, and if everything is a big deal to you, then you lose sight of what REALLY shouldnt be broken.

And Chichi, yknow, we all know her, yknow? Shes romantic. Shes strong and forceful. Shes a consummate lover, man, I feel like she just really needs that emotional and physcial satisfaction, yknow? Of course it all happens in the privacy of the home of the married couple because THATS PROPER ! And that's how she wants it to be.

But listen, man, ms Chichi? She's a little off her rocker, yknow?

Hey, listen. I do believe that Ms Chichi is heterosexual. But in a lifestyle that does little to develop base pursuits, sexuality means nothing. Who cares what you feel about whom. All that matters is that you find yourself in the family structure that you need to have, with a partner who can help make it happen. Those feelings of physcial attraction - while are nice to feel and to have satisfied - arent a prerequisite to the stability and fulfillment she would get by a life partner whom she likes well enough otherwise to make her happy and fill her needs. My point is that it's like 1950s USA all up in her shit and sex is an underdeveloped reality, unexplored and underappreciated for its versatility and nuance. Therefore, it holds almost no bearing over her practical mind.

But make no mistake - our Venus-in-Taurus Chichi is a strong and physical woman who does need some lovings from time to time.

LISTEN, OKAY? You may feel that what I am about to say is contradictory but hear me out.

If Ms Chichi got hit on by a woman she would not tolerate it to start. She would have her fists on her hips and she'd be glaring and she'd be like "Uh huh. Okay. I've heard of this. Every now and then you get a woman who thinks it's her place to talk to another woman that way. To speak in such a manner - it degrades the whole sex, doesnt it? Better than having the men hear you speak like that, I suppose - but I for one wont disrespect myself by standing here listening to it."

See Chichi wouldnt snap at a woman in her current age the way she would always snap at a man becasue, well, her women are her fellows. She'll hear them out. She knows theyre smart.

But listen. Man. Goku's been fucked off training with Oob for forever. Piccolo wont visit since Goten got older and no longer needs the extra parental guidance (and Goten has frankly become intolerable company and we all know that thats why Piccolo wont visit but that's beside the point). What's a woman like Chichi supposed to do?

Shes ran a tight ship and a good home. She controls her own life. No one even cares what she does anymore. No one has looked at her in a long time.

She has strong beliefs and she reaps self-esteem from playing by them, romantic loyalty is a huge deal to her. But loyalty to whom? What about loyalty to herself?

Hey, this other woman may have spoken to her that way, but she was a sharp-eyed and witty woman, and good company is hard to find these days!

Chichi is not so prideful that she cant see eye to eye with her fellows. It's been a while since she delighted in fresh feminine connection. Women get it, you know?

It's been even longer since shes had physcial satisfaction. She used to be a martial artist, but she hasnt maintained it enough to keep her joints from aching, and with her husband gone, her life is just void of all physicality. Maybe she just wants to be GRABBED, yknow ?

Shes her own woman. Goddamn.

What I'm trying to say is that if she was hit on by a woman, she would assertively disagree and respectfully hold her volume, and she'd leave.

And then later she'd circle back.

She'd come back with her fists on her hips, still glaring at you strongly from under her titled forehead, and be like "Oye. You got seven minutes." Meaning that you've got 7 minutes to impress her and make this worth her time.

If you dont impress her than she would be set in her conviction and leave with full confidence and zero regret or curiosity.

But with that reality looming, she'll stick around for 7 minutes to see what you have to say. She'll give a fellow woman a chance. And if you impress her, maybe you'll get more than just 7 minutes of conversation out of her.

Becasue Ms Chichi is fearless, becasue again, when everything is vulgur, nothing is. Henceforth she'll refer to you as a "close friend" to others and humour you in raunchy conversation. Or depending on your personality or on what you did together, she'd prefer you to be a bittersweet midnight lover, never to return again ...

Ms Chichi everyone

[needys-diary]

Why Doflamingo Donquixote is My Comfort Character:

Beware incoming opinion, not incoming argument. This will pertain to me personally. Plus I'm lowkey venting lol

In reality, Doffy is a well-crafted villain and being in a romantic relationship with his canon character would most likely be toxic because of his puppeteer-tendencies and so forth. In reality, if I were to magically be in the One Piece world I know for a fact that his character would never go for me, but I can dream, right? That's what being a fangirl and fantasizing is all about right?

Ok, so, why would Doflamingo be anyone's comfort character? Many reasons, in fact, he's one of my favorite overall villains. His character and way of handling his business, his kingdom, and being a King, is kind of inspiring to me, even if it is from evil intentions. Doflamingo knows what he wants and he gets what he wants, even if he has to make it happen, to charm or persuade a person or kill for his will to happen. Doflamingo is very organized about how his whole organization worked and he manages it very well. Although he is very controlling and very dominating and perhaps frightening and intimidating in person, there's aspects to his character that you just don't see in men anymore.

In general I mean, I'm not trying to cap all men or anything. It's just I've seen certain marriages and couples in my family and in my life where the wife is willing to support the husband but now is just doing all the work. Like mentally, emotionally, spiritually, even physically, like being the "head of the household" and handling everything because we're so strong and independent, like yes but no. If I have to act like the husband and the wife in any marriage to the point where I'm so stressed and overworked and feel like I'm by myself then what's the point in marrying anymore? Women cant drop down the their gaurd anymore because everything is expensive, and there needs to be 2 acting husbands in order to survive. I get that. But at the same time theres families where the wife feels like shes alone in this, and im not talking about physically or economicslly, like every household is different, its kinda hard to explain...Im single and never been married so I may be wrong or whatever. I admit I don't know what it's like to have a husband, this is just what I've been witnessing.

So what does this have to do with Doflamingo? It's just comforting to think about him when I'm stressed or feel alone. Like, Doflamingo being a King, I imagine him taking care of everything and just imagining this big enormous dominating character taking whatever is bothering me or stressimg me out and making it go away to make me relaxed or happy is comforting for me. It's something he would do for his Doflamingo Family, for example. Imagining Doflamingo taking care of me is a huge stretch because he is very prideful, I mean I'm happy to take care of him. I'd be happy to support and take care of a man who knows how to manage his life, his business, and is a (more or less) good authority over me. Because I don't care how strong and independent of a woman I am, I ideally need a man to be able to take the weight off of me and say "Good job, I'll handle the rest.", "Don't worry your pretty little head about this." Like, I hope this makes sense.

Im sorry to say that I'm not equipped for the same stress that men go through, that people go through in general. Like, I'd breakdown and neglect myself because I just don't know how to handle anything anymore. Sometimes I just wanna quit and be at home, like being a housewife, cleaning, cooking, parenting, etc. is a big job on its own. And now I have a whole job on top of that because the USA is depriving our energy, focus, money, and mentality? Just being single and living is hard for some people. If marriage changes nothing then there's no point, youre roommates at this point. I just feel like the meaning of marriage is slowly losing its purpose and emotional and spiritual meaning.

It's very comforting to know that, not just Doflamingo, but any fictional villian who "loves you" would burn kingdoms for you, kill people for you, do anything to make you smile. All you have to do is give them your attention and love, just sit on their lap or shoulder and look pretty. They're handle all the deep down and dirty work.

I'm not saying I'm looking for a Doflamingo in my life, romantically, but sometimes life is just so difficult that I feel like I need one, yuno? Can doffy use his strings to manipulate the bad things in my life? Make my problems go away? Lol, so, yea. When you're stuck in a hole, u go for the extreme to make yourself feel better. That's just, how I cope sometimes.

So maybe it's a little OOC, but this is just my experience. You don't have to agree with me. I may be wrong. Either way it's comforting for me and Idk lol.

(Wrote this last night and never posted it cuz I knocked out)

[official-saul-goodman]

hi saul - do you mind if i ask you about what sort of stuff/signs in writing tells you when the author is using abuse cheaply? you made a post about it a few days ago, and as a writer and reader i thought id ask so i could watch out for that sort of thing. conversely, do you know any books that you consider to portray abuse well? of course feel free not to answer, thank you for your time anyway

It's a lot, let me tell ya.

thank you for asking, also please excuse my atrocious grammar.

Take these with a grain of salt, but all these are just what i noticed reading cheap books while i was traveling. these books are cheap for a reason, theyre bad, and most likely not representative of good literature. I tend to enjoy mostly mystery books as well as classics, so i dont go about choosing books that are good at depicting home lives of abuse victims consciously, and dont really have any recommendations on books that depict abuse respectfully. i reckon other people will though if you search well enough youll find books written by people who were abused and chose to share thier stories through non fiction or fiction, or find books written respectfully that tackle the concepts of abuse. but what im going to talk about right now is how apparently a lot of authors cant find any good ways to handle abuse as a topic without being immensely disrespectful to multitudes of people- just solely based on my observations from the many many terrible books ive read over the years, mostly shitty thriller novels that exist to shock people crassly.

the most common cheap mentions of abuse that i have commonly seen and read tend to be as such: evil 'crazy' villain was abused as a child which leads to why he's evil, abusers are all people who have personality disorders cause mental illness is 'crazy' and leads to evil people, abused children are 'damaged' and such will do bad things if they become 'crazy' enough, etc. It's always related to some sort of nonsensical pathologising of completely neutral conditions people have, and the demonising of already vulnerable groups of people by showing them as abusers, even though these people are most likely victims of abuse. This is the main sign that the abuse mentioned in a story is most likely being used as a scare mongering tactic against mentally ill people, for nothing but shock value. I find this to be one of the most common, cheap uses of abuse as a topic in (mainly horror and thriller) books.

The second most cheap mention of abuse is this very strange twisting of abusers as people who have he capacity to change, as some sort of optimism porn or something. In my experience and the experience of many others, its insulting that books make it seem like abusers are secretly good people who are just misguided and will change on their own 'once they realise'. Or that they can make up for their behaviour through apologies and actions, because 'actions speak louder than words'. The idea that everything can be forgiven through the power of change or some magical bullshit, incredibly disrespectful to victims of abuse. Abusers are repeat offenders, and rarely are they ever people who just have one form by which they abuse people. Physical abuse comes verbal, and emotional. but most people only focus on the physical and verbal, and think that if someone shows abusers the 'right way' they'll simply learn their wrong ways and change. thats not how it works, you would never abuse someone if you were secretcly a good person. theres a fundamental flaw in giving the benefit of the doubt to people who have done immeasurable damage to their victims, theres nothing to achieve when you dont have more empathy and compassion for the victims and their pain.

A lot of abusers were abused themselves as kids, and so choose to continue the cycle of abuse, but this cannot be used to create a form of 'oh they were so hurt and they dont know any better' type of image. because they do know better, but they dont think theyre being abusive, cause they think they have the right to behave the way they do. You can address what led people to be the way they are without absolving them of their behaviour in fiction. in the end theyre all characters but the least you can do to people who were abused by people like these characters in a similar fashion is to not write abusers like they are not responsible for their actions, jsut because they went through the same thing in the past. theres no valid reason to be an abuser, and there never will be.

the worst of all is obviously with those 50 shades type romance thriller novels that romanticise misogyny and abuse, we all know about this, some new romance novel or the other with 'spicy' scenes becomes popular every few weeks on tiktok, ahem hem for example The Wives by Tarryn Fisher. terrible book, its so fucking terrible, its downright evil.

for writing tips on accurately and thoughtfully depicting abuse, you have to actually read or listen multiple people who have shared their experience with abuse. Be intelligent with how you use resources available, and dont fall into the trap of following easy but damaging tropes to shock readers.